I think that yesterday I achieved a great change in the course of my relation with Salvia.
After the first two dreadful experiences, I decided that a different approach was necessary. I did not want to take the risk of enduring a similar episode. Though my interest on Salvia is considerable, three consecutive terrifying attempts seemed to be too discouraging.
Though an unexpected visit made me think that past weekend would be not suitable, finally we managed to be at home late Sunday evening.
The strategy I thought was the simplest: start from the beginning, with a little dose. Following your instructions, this time with dried leaves instead of extract.
Another thing I had quite clear was that experience should take place in a nice environment, with no fear or other negative feelings.
So, when arriving home, I took some ‘Valeriana’ to achieve a calmed state. I decided to smoke in the companion of my wife. I wanted her to be there, as part of a nice environment. She was watching TV; with headphones on in order to keep my experience free from noises. This was perfect, for she was there, but I did not feel her attention on me, which would not have been relaxing. I was in such a position that TV screen was not visible. Instead, some plants and my wife were in front of me. Some dim lights on, and me resting in a conformable armchair.
Fortunately, I managed to be quite calmed and feeling nice when I decided to start.
I crumbled half a big leaf, and smoked half that amount. One toke. My heart accelerated a lot, as in the two former occasions. I felt it bumping quickly, not due to Salvia, but to expectation. Then the distinct metallic feeling came all over my body. Again that sensation!
Important moment: I realised clearly that I was on Salvia. At first, the same bodily (and probably mental) sensations as on former occasions, but this time, I kept eyes opened. Watching my living room, my wife, a quiet, familiar an cosy scene. As time was passing and I was realising that the dose was not strong enough to fire me to other worlds, I started to feel more relaxed. Fine! - First conquest. The third approach to Salvia, deliberately smooth, was crucial to help me lose the fear.
This encouraged me to try again the same dose. The effects were not so intense. OK, anyway. Another try without panic. I prepared another whole leaf (though smaller than previous), and smoked a third.
This time, I felt a very nice sensation of being in a flowing mass. I could feel different currents, bending, slowly. No strange presences were there. - No fear. I relaxed and gave myself to the mass, feeling the movement. It was not very vivid, and the light through my eyelids gave it an dark orange colour. Maybe this prevented visuals from happening. But it was fine, because of the warm effect it caused (opposite to dark and strange worlds I had seen).
When back, I was certainly happy! I had managed to be calmed and even enjoying Salvia’s effects. I was very grateful to Salvia. I tried one or two more times, (incredibly!) asking the Salvia to carry me wherever she wanted, with a love feeling towards "the mass", which I embraced in loving attitude.
After having smoked 4 or 5 times, I decided to let it be as it was. I had a very nice sensation. I had managed to feel secure and confident ‘inside’ Salvia. And that was very important. I know (and knew in that moment) that things could be very different if dose were bigger, or set and setting different. That is why I did not dare to try a strong hit. I preferred to keep that wonderful sensation. It was necessary to remember some experiences just as problem-free as these have been. I even smoked a little bit of hashish, as I had read that it would prolong that (wonderful) feeling. Soon after, I went to bed, and certainly, all night had that nice ‘scent’ of plastic/metallic love and joy. Now I understand your last e-mail’s "sensual sensation" concept.
The most important thing, apart from the nice sensations, is that now I can afford Salvia without fear. I suppose that probably more terrible experiences are waiting. Every ‘psychonaut’ has to face them. But now, they will just be part of the whole. And I will try to accept and understand what they teach.
To end, I will mention a rather naive and curious feeling I’ve gone through today. I’ve been submerged in a special state, a kind of gentle joy, as the one a young and innocent boy might have after having achieved the first kiss with the girl he is in love with and has been so long dreaming to conquer.
Again I look at Salvia with excitement and hope.