I bought a plant from you a couple of weeks ago (she’s doing fine –
just repotted). Basically I tried a little of the leaf you sent along this
last Saturday, and I had a truly outrageous experience with it. In actual fact
the irony is that I may well never consume Salvia again – but I fully intend
to look after the plant have no fear. I still don’t know quite what to make
of the experience I had, but it was so unusual, and so unlike any other
‘trip reports’ I have read on this plant, that I thought you might be
interested to read about it.
Salvia D – smoked leaf, about ½ gram. I have smoked SD three times
before – the last time was New Years Eve when I would guess (hard to know
for sure) my dosage was in the region of 5 grams worth (standard leaf enhanced
by 10X). My NYE experience was pretty momentous, hence a respectful 5 month
gap before going again. I did not expect too much from a mere 1/2g (just 1/10th
of the NYE dosage) – I was really just trying out the leaf that you sent to
me together with the new plant.
I was sat upright and comfortable, plenty of cushions behind me to lean
into. I never used them. I smoked quickly with a water pipe – and on the
third lungful the familiar effects started.
FAMILIAR! What followed was awesome. I was instantly bi-located – sat
with my eyes still open, but at the same time somewhere else altogether.
Please remember that this entire description is difficult – words cannot
remotely capture it, they feel misleading to the point of ludicrousness. I
will do my best. I knew in that moment that I have been doing this forever.
My awareness popped back into a place that I had left just a moment
before – the last time I smoked Salvia. And also the time I smoked it
before that, and the times I took the ‘Emerald Essence’ form of Salvia.
Let me get this clearer – absolutely no time had elapsed since I last was
there – despite these experiences actually being separated by some 8 months.
Now, there is much more than this, this is just by way of an introduction
– it was not just times that I have smoked Salvia. My awareness was now
in a place that I have popped into during the whole of my life – from my
earliest childhood years right up until today, I have gone from this world of time
here, and jumped through the curtain into that world there. And in that
world there - absolutely no time whatsoever has elapsed since the earliest
visit I can remember. I found myself there, and I knew that it is home, it is
where I really live, it is where we all really live, it is - much more - what
we really are.
In a general sense I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this
world of people and creatures and cultures and history is an utterly tiny and
fragmentary moment in eternity. I knew that the ‘I’ who was seeing
this, knowing this, is exactly the same ‘I’ everywhere in this world of
ours, that we are undeniably one, that this ‘one’ is ‘I’ - we are all
exactly the same ‘I’. I also knew that in a greater sense ‘I’
am all, but that as the mere fragmentary ‘I’ which holds together this
cosmos that we all find ourselves inhabiting – that this cosmos in its
entirety, in its unimaginable complexity and immensity, is still only a
fragment of the ‘all’.
I knew that knowing all this and more, is just a matter of
remembering, of remembering exactly who we are. I knew that the key to this
unfolding drama of our lives on this planet here is a great forgetting of
our real nature. The Greeks were closer in their whole cosmology with their
notion of Gods and Goddesses standing outside time and fixing their attention
on creating a stage within which to play with and as mere mortals – than we
have ever come to with our 11 dimensional supersymmetrical-superstring
The keys to our world are the various levels of amnesia that blanket it. As
‘human beings’ we reach the point in awareness where we can begin to open
up our memory of our true nature. This is exactly what human beings are – a
moment of awareness. The plunge into human history is exactly this process.
I cannot emphasis strongly enough the reality of this experience, it was
not fantasy, it was not a formulated theory in response to stimulation. It was
as direct an apprehension and perception of actuality as I can ever remember
in my whole life. In comparison - daily thinking, perceiving and explaining
seems a snail-paced cumbersome crawl through someone else’s dictionary by
There was so little room for speculation and doubt in fact that I was
utterly overwhelmed and appalled by the experience. I sat there and tried
desperately to deny what I was remembering, I felt like I was deliberately
trying to press my face back up against an immense wall and trying to get back
home, trying to regain my grip on ‘normal’ life and perception here.
I was trying desperately to re-narrow my focus on this tiny little cosmos
and life and forget everything that I was seeing.
And what is more, I knew that I had done this many times before in this
lifetime, and that everyone else has as well – and the remembering time
becomes either obliterated behind an impenetrable amnesiac blanket, or
relegated to the realm of dimly remembered childhood nightmare, or psychotic
break or ..
But this time I was going to remember the outlines of my real home, of my
real nature, of the timeless ‘self’ behind appearances. Salvia was the
agent of my delivery, my guide, perhaps my Goddess in biological disguise.
She was telling me something in clear and unmistakable terms – "Here
you are, this is what you already know, this is what you keep on bouncing
around time and again, wasting your time and energy in this pointless,
narcissistic, masturbatory self-obsession. You are actually unlimited, you can
become whatever you can consistently imagine. Look at the tiny fragility of
your world there, look how it is held together by the will of your fragmentary
denizens, look how free-will arises in your creatures, the capacity to choose
and to create and to beautify. Look honestly at where you are up to in your
creation, look at the disguise you find yourself in now, and start
bloody acting on that knowledge, not wondering what went before all the time.
Does the world around you need saving – right, get on with it, do your best,
create, grow, expand in beauty and truth and joy. Banish the darkness of
suffering wherever you can. Make it a game worth playing. You have but a
moment at this game, just a brief opportunity to generate a truly beautiful,
magical, loving and awesome experience called ‘life’. You know you will be
back here before you know it anyway, so get on and appreciate for real
your senses and extensions and friendships and loves, and I will see you back
here again in just a moment".
I never closed my eyes during this experience. I have retold just a
fraction of what occurred and what I knew. My partner was with me, I
grabbed for her hand and began to talk with her, holding her, trying to get
back here – overwhelmed and frightened, astonished and filled. About one
minute here had passed.
It is 36 hours ago now and already I know that much is lost. Unusually for
Salvia I felt distinctly ‘trippy’ for several hours after this ‘small’
ingestion. I felt distinctly ‘strange’ for over 24 hours. I may never take
Salvia D again, but I know she is always there for me if I ever need a
reminder of exactly who I am. What a magical and invaluable and ultimate
‘tool’ for the human ‘toolmaker’ and ‘manufacturer of dreams’. I
now think that Salvia shows all of us this same truth, and on this occasion,
for whatever reason, I was allowed to bring some of that remembering back here
with me. Back to just after now where we live – from Now
where ‘I’ live in all of ‘my’ mysterious, unimaginable majesty. Salvia
allowed me to avoid the usual amnesia that almost always follows this
remembering. For that I am truly grateful…
Postscript: 5 days later. I just don’t know what to make of it, real,
delusion, whatever – I remain agnostic, but for some reason I am in no rush
to go back, and I think part of me is convinced. Perhaps in a few months I
will have a better perspective.