Hollow in the Heart
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i have had several experiences with salvia divinorum -all smoking the stuff with a water-bong pipe -and i had nice visions. all were beautiful experiences but not the kind of encounters i desired. i wanted to get in touch with some shamanic guide or plant-teacher. and that day i had the big experience i had an argument with some friend on happiness and the pains in life. she asked me how i would be pleased with life while there are so many troubles. she is always so depressive and unhappy and i'm really a joyful guy. i thought of her question all the night and i finally got that "people who are depressed are just unsatisfied of themselves but people who are sad care about the world and the pain". and i asked myself why there is so much pain in the world. i was blue as hell. suddenly a thought came to me that i would find some answer with the help of salvia leaves. i collected some leaves from the plant-about 10 leaves-and began chewing them. it was the first time i chewed the leaves. i used to smoke them before. i guess the effects came in about 12 minutes. i was at the balcony when my perception has changed and i felt like laying on bed so i went into my room. after a few minutes with my eyes closed, visions started with some dry leaf images. they were nice and attractive. there were leaves everywhere. and i found myself on the back of an ant. i was riding the ant. we had a long journey, i think i rode it for 10-15 minutes. it was so beautiful watching the world on the back of an ant. we rode through the grass and over the leaves and passed some other ants. and when i jumped off the ant i became a butterfly. now my eyes were open. i felt the whole room, every corner flying gently. riding the ant and being a butterfly -wow -both were so beautiful but i had some question and i wanted the answer. through the experience i thought -alright that's all nice but i want the answer "why is there so much pain in world?" -i was laying on my back and i turned on my face. i had my fist put on my forehead and i felt like it was sinking through my head. i was frightened, i pulled my hand. and all of a sudden i found myself in dark space on glass platform. there was nothing else but the stars, deep darkness and the glass. and it talked to me. i didn't see it. it was a voice in the head and some feelings and some sudden visions. my hand was over my heart and i felt hollow there. it said "you have hollow in your heart. all people have some hollow in their hearts. the things you don't have builds up you, not the things you have. you see the world through the hollows in your hearts. that space makes all of you different from each other. there's a lost piece in your hearts and you fit the world in that space. all the pain, joys, sadness and smiles come from that space. you are not different because you have different qualities. you all have the same material. you are different because you all have the lost piece in different points of your hearts. when the lost piece is found, when the hollow is filled you will be in one being. separated eyes will come together in one eye." that's what my guide said. it didn't talk so much though, it was all in a few seconds. i was really shocked. i wanted to get in touch with some guide but i didn't guess it would be so effective. i was scattered. i wanted to ask more questions but i couldn't find any questions at that moment. i thought i would forget the experience after the trip so i wanted to recover immediately. before i got up to turn on the light the guide said "come again. we'll have more lectures. i'm your plant". it was so amazing. i washed my face, turned on the lights and the music. the trip was over. i think it lasted 1 hour. but i was still over the clouds the day after. it was really unsettling for me and i could think of nothing else but the experience for a few days. i didn't tell the experience to anyone for few weeks, i thought words would blow the magic away. and i didn't touch the salvia leaves for about a month. i can say that it was the first time i truly experienced the salvia trip. the words of the guide were so important for me. now i'm looking for new dialogs with it. but i think i shouldn't use the plant often. ingesting it when you really have something to ask or when you really need that encounter seems to blow up the effects. that was my first big experience with salvia divinorum and i had 2 more similar experiences. i think i'm getting to the heart of it. that's my shamanic way and hope i will be alright in those jungle pathways.